I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
