I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
