whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
