There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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