Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had to cum in my sink.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
