can we get nightvision for the apartment?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
