I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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