sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
