can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
