covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
