my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
