Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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