Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize