Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize