I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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