so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it because I queefed?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
