On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
