so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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