wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think my vagina is haunted
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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