I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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