OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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