i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
