well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
