Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
