We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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