too bad you live with your parents still
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize