I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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