Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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