Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
