New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
