she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
