Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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