You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
