I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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