I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
