I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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