My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
