farters have to be the big spoon...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
