My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
