you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
