im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
