tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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