apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
