I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
