I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
