I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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