went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
