So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
