Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
