STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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