Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
