how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i now understand why vodka
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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