i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
