just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize