She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
