do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
