i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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