I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
