and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
