If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
