I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
