It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
