i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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