I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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