He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
