from now on my penis is your penis
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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