I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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