Screwed.edu
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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